The ties that bind

It may happen that some memory comes to mind which may be trivial or insignificant in its own right, but nevertheless, pursuing the memory can bring up all sorts of other memories that might otherwise have remained buried deep in the mind. Following through many avenues a number of the memories embedded in this story has retrieved from the depth of my mind many recollections from my school days that otherwise might have remained deeply buried there.

One day, at the age of thirteen or fourteen, in a quiet corner of the station platform, the train to take me homewards being due in a quarter of an hour or so, I experienced a sudden impulse and, acting on it, took off my school tie, put it in my pocket, and then walked back, somewhat awkward and embarrassed, but nevertheless determined, and rejoined my friends waiting on the platform.

Now the memories and thoughts associated with this recollection take me back to a time a few years before my impulsive action on the station platform. I recall in particular that, on Saturday mornings, from the age of eleven onwards, I used take the train to the county town, Lewes, to rehearse with the youth orchestra organized by the county music school at its headquarters there. Back then, in the seventies, I remember, on weekends, away from home, I would typically wear a brown jacket and trousers with one of my coloured printed shirts, purchased by my parents at Marks and Spencer, in style typical of those then on sale there. I recall that one of the shirts I regularly wore at weekends was light blue with some sort of floral or similar pattern; another was a fairly dark green with a Paisley pattern. And, of course, I would be wearing a tie. At the time I took it for granted that if one was wearing a jacket and shirt then one would of course wear a tie. One would not be properly dressed without a tie.

So I was startled when, one Saturday morning, one of my friends turned up to the rehearsal in brown jacket and trousers, and a pink shirt worn open-necked! Well he looked smart enough, if one could consider it acceptable to wear a jacket and shirt without a tie. Another of my friends always wore a jacket and tie at the normal Saturday morning rehearsals, but on residential orchestral courses, he would typically wear a very attractive striped shirt, open at the neck, and without a jacket. But, even though I thought he looked great in that shirt, at that age I would not have followed his example. But though I balked at the idea of others seeing me in a shirt without a tie in real life, nevertheless, lying in bed at night, I regularly fantasized about an unrealistic future life where I would make a point of going around habitually in a smart open-necked shirt.

But then, returning to school after the Easter break, there was a decision on the part of the headmaster to the effect that, though the full school uniform must be worn at all times on the journey to and from school, nevertheless boys did not need to wear blazers and ties during the summer term when on school premises. Well the other boys were going around in open-necked white shirts, so of course I had to follow suit. It maybe took me a day or two to accustom myself to the thought that others would see me in a shirt without a tie, but accustom myself I did.

A year later, at the beginning of the summer term, the decree came from the headmaster: the full school uniform must be worn at all times, in school and travelling to and from school. I remember an exchange overheard at the time: "It's not fair! we have to wear blazers and ties all the time, but many of the teachers were wearing open-necked shirts without jackets." Response: "Don't criticize them! They were wearing their shirts without ties in protest against the headmaster's decision."

So now, to describe the circumstances of the journey home from school. The school was a grammar school, with a fairly large catchment area, so many pupils made long journeys to and from school. For those of us travelling to the area where I lived, on leaving the school, we caught a local bus to take us the couple of miles to the train station. Once at the train station, we would typically wait on the station platform for about twenty minutes for the local stopping train. I myself then took the train for a twenty minute journey to the station in the village where my family lived. I was very much a loner, generally not socializing with those of my own age during breaks or lunchtimes, or on the journey home from school. On the platform I used to head to the point on the platform where the front of the train came to a stop. There was a group of boys a couple of years younger than myself who waited for the train at the same place, and they essentially befriended me. So I would be travelling home in the railway carriage with them till I got off the train at my own village.

Then one day the deputy head teacher of the school turned up, presumably for some sort of inspection. So on one platform were probably at least a hundred pupils of the school, if not more, on their homeward journey. And, on the opposite platform, the deputy head teacher of the school, completely alone in the middle of an otherwise empty station platform. And the thought took root: "One could break school rules with impunity here! The chance of any teacher materializing unawares here is surely very remote." And it was within a few days that I first took off and pocketed my school tie on the station platform.

So, after pocketing my school tie that day, I rejoined my younger friends, and nerved myself for travelling, tieless, with them, and with any other random passengers who might chance to be in our compartment on the train. Whatever they may have thought privately, my travelling companions said not a word about my breach of uniform rules. After getting off the train, I headed for a back alley where I could put my tie back on: I would have been mortified if anyone in my family, or anyone in the village who knew me, had caught sight of me travelling home from school without a tie.

Well, once was not enough! From that day onwards, till the time I sat A-levels, whenever travelling by train home from school, I would invariably pocket my school tie within minutes of arriving at the point on the station platform where I usually waited for the train. On a few occasions I walked slowly back down the platform to the other end and back. I didn't particularly want those boys nearer my own age to see me on the station platform without a tie, but if they happened to glance in my direction, then so be it.

The bad example I set with regard to compliance with school uniform regulations was not catching. I did keep my eyes open, and I recall just one occasion when I saw one of the younger boys get off the train without a tie. But to the best of my recollection, no other boy travelled home on the train at the normal time without the tie worn tight at the neck. There was an exception which proved the rule: during the sports afternoon, some of us went to the swimming pool in the next town. I noticed that those returning home on the train after the swimming session never bothered to put their ties back on with the rest of their school uniform.

But, though generally nervous about breaking any sort of rule or regulation, and exceptionally nervous about being seen by a teacher doing so, once the pattern was established, I was very comfortable with the thought that I was regularly and flagrantly breaching the school uniform regulations in full view of other pupils from the school.

And being without a tie on school premises? There was one occasion I remember. It was at the end of fifth year. The last lesson in music before we sat O-levels. And so it was arranged that we would go up to the school hall for a jam session, playing Scott Joplin's "The Entertainer". (This was well known from having been used in the film "The Sting", starring Paul Newman and Robert Redford.) It was a hot day, so we were invited to take off our blazers. So I took off blazer and tie. And then instantly regretted having done so, but it never occurred to me to put the tie back on again. So then I spent the rest of the lesson feeling very anxious and embarrassed in my open-necked shirt. But the music teacher said not a word about it.

After A-levels I spent one more term in school to prepare for the Cambridge entrance examination. The school had by then fully transitioned from a grammar school to a sixth form college, and consequently there was no longer a school uniform. My younger friends had reached sixth form then, and attended school smartly dressed, in trousers and open-necked shirts.