In Memory of a Departed Shirt

I no longer possess the shirt appearing in these photographs. It had finally arrived at a state of disintegration that would put to shame any self-respecting dishcloth, and, in consequence, it got ignominiously chucked out with the general rubbish recently.

One day, between 2007 and 2010, I found, in the basement of a Henry Street department store, two floral-patterned shirts that immediately caught my eye. One was the shirt about which this account is concerned. The other shirt has a floral design with roses on a blue background. There was no question but that I had to acquire both shirts. I justified the purchase to myself on the grounds that, although I could see no prospect of wearing either shirt in the context of most of the activities that formed the major part of my social life, I could nevertheless see the possibility of wearing one or other of those shirts at certain private gatherings and social events with particular friends.

In the event, the blue floral-patterned shirt was worn in the presence of others through its use as a component of a costume for a Halloween party in 2010. If memory serves me correctly, it was never worn again in public, or in any small social gathering, before 2018.

At the time that I bought the two shirts it seemed to be pretty much an article of faith with me that men as a rule did not choose to wear floral-patterned shirts, and probably considered it inappropriate for a man to do so. Thus, whilst I appreciated the possession of both shirts, and would otherwise have taken particular pleasing in wearing both of them on a regular basis, I was very much inhibited by considerations of the discomfort and embarassment I would feel, wearing such shirts, on coming into contact with friends of long standing, or even being spotted wearing such shirts by casual acquaintances and people who knew me by sight. Thus in particular, I could not envisage wearing either shirt when attending a classical concert or recital, when turning up to an orchestral rehearsal, or at a gathering of friends for the purpose of playing chamber music. Given that such activities represented a large and important part of my social life, the possibilities for wearing these shirts in the presence of others was somehwat limited!

In those early years of possession, I would occasionally slip away from the college campus where I was living, and go for a walk around the city wearing the cream-coloured floral-patterned shirt about which this account is concerned. As I got further away from the college, my confidence tended to grow, and, on occasion, I would enter a convenience store, and whist feeling rather self-conscious as I did so, I would go up to the counter and engage with the person serving behind the counter by purchasing perhaps a snack or a soft drink.

I once chose to wear the shirt on a day trip to Belfast, arguing to myself that it really did not matter to me what the worthy citizens of West Belfast might be thinking on seeing me pass by in the street attired in that shirt.

Also I would take the opportunity to wear the floral shirt when going out walking around Howth, or around Killiney Hill, or around the hills of Rathdown. Thus for example the photograph at the head of this account was taken on Howth in 2012.

Things changed somewhat in 2018. By that time I had been putting on a lot of weight, and many of the shirts I had purchased had become unwearable. In order to downsize my shirt collection, I attempted to try on each shirt that I owned in turn, and if I could not get into it, then it would be put in the pile to get taken to a charity shop. This cream floral short passed the test, just about, but the blue shirt did not. However I kept it back, whilst parting with a lot of other shirts that I regretted parting with. Then I made an effort to increase significantly my daily exercise and lessen my food intake. I was very pleased, on the morning of the Dublin Pride parade that year, to find that I had been so far successful that I could get into the blue floral shirt. So I was very happy to wear the blue floral shirt all day around the city centre. I purchased a couple of other fairly flamboyant shirts from a shop near St. Stephen's Green. And I resolved that, thenceforth, I would wear these floral shirts, and any others that I might purchase, on a regular basis. So in particular, I subsequently accustomed myself wearing my floral shirts often within the college and the surrounding area. I also chose to wear these floral shirts when engaged in social activities where previously I would not have considered doing so.

In the case of the cream-coloured floral shirt, once I had taken the plunge, I ended up wearing it so often that it rapidly became faded and worn through repeated washing, and ultimately the fabric got torn, so that it became no longer wearable.

Nevertheless I sometimes struggled to carry though my intentions. For example, one Friday evening I had decided to wear the cream-coloured shirt pictured in this article, without any jacket, when attending the regular National Symphony Orchestra concert at the National Concert Hall. I had left myself plenty of time, but I spent a full half-hour debating with myself whether I could go through with what I had intended, putting on the shirt and heading for the door, only to turn back and agonize further. In the end, I got out of the door wearing the shirt, but had to run in order not to be late for the concert!

On another occasion I spent the afternoon walking around the hills of Rathdown wearing the cream-coloured floral shirt. A recital would be taking place in the evening at the National Concert Hall that I particularly wished to attend, and I managed to time things so as to travel back into the city centre on the LUAS with plenty of time to get to the NCH, but not leaving enough time to get back home to change my shirt. As I expected, there were friends of long standing in the audience, and I felt the usual embarassment in accepting that I would inevitably be seen by them attired in a floral shirt, but overall, I felt satisfied and complacent as, despite that embarrassment, I had carried through my intention of attending the recital without changing out of the floral shirt beforehand.

So the shirt pictured in this account is no more. But over the past three years I have purchased a number of other shirts of a similar nature to take its place. And, utimately, I got a lot of wear out of it before I had to part with it.